The ability to know that you are secure and safe regardless of what life throws at you.

We are sold a lie—the lie that says our circumstances dictate our peace, our joy, and our

contentment. God’s word has another view, one that I have had to test throughout my

cancer treatment and recovery, and I’m finally starting to see through the fog at what

this actually looks like.

We are guaranteed to have troubles. Not if, but when, so why am I shocked when those

troubles hit? I question God and His goodness; I’ve even accused Him of playing

favorites. It’s only in the moments when I quiet my heart and look at His word that I can

see the way forward.

I want a quick fix.

He wants lasting peace.

And this comes with a price tag. One that none of us willingly pays. But in His grace and

mercy, He allows—actually requires—us to pay the price of admission to a ride we don’t

want to be on, to experience things we could never imagine. All of it with a heart of

endearing love and affection for us.

So unfortunately, friends, true peace does not happen on the other side of struggle. It’s

not waiting for things to get better—for the test results we so long to see when opening

our portal, or the bills that won’t stop rolling in. Sometimes our marriages are struggling

or our kids are off the rails. That peace I long for, it’s in Him alone. It’s knowing that I am

held no matter what the test says, no matter how hard that relationship is or how little

we have in the bank account. Those things are simply ways that He is calling my heart

to trust Him in a way that I would not otherwise.

And that peace I speak of—I have listened to so many podcasts regarding cancer and

what it takes to “cure” oneself. If I eat everything correctly, and do a deep soul search, if

I ground myself and meditate, then surely the cancer won’t come back. Here’s the

problem with all of that: it’s great and healthy and definitely a tool that God uses for our

healing, but it doesn't solve the main problem. I don’t trust that God has my best

interests at heart. I think that I know better, and what He has up His sleeve is like a bag

of coal on Christmas morning. Even if my health was perfect, my relationships were all

bliss, and my bills were not only paid but I had excess in the bank, I would still miss the

peace that only He promises. And that comes on the other side of trust—trusting that

He’s got me. Struggles and all.

I tell myself on hard days that I need to have more faith, and try to convince myself not

to be anxious—how does that work, anyone?? No, He does not hold me to some

standard that is out of my reach. He holds me exactly where I am, in my mess of

emotions and relationships, in my test results that don’t line up with what I planned. It’s

there, and only there, that I can breathe. Not because my heart doesn’t race, but because

even in the racing, He’s got me.

So if you dare, join me in this peace, something so different than you will find sold by

well-meaning podcasts and programs. The peace that says it’s okay not to be okay. That

you are perfect right where you are, how you are, and that you can breathe because you

are held so tight that nothing will cross your path today that He will not be walking right

beside you.

The best thing is that I don't have to pretend to be okay. Faith is being able to say, "I am

not okay, God please meet me here." Trusting He will, and not rushing the process. I

have to swallow my pride—the notion that I can do it all on my own—and set aside my

need to control the outcome and enjoy the ride, upset stomach, headache, and all.

Letting go is where real freedom is. And letting the One who is in control do just that. My

security is not in what I can do; it's in the most true thing about me: I am loved, held,

cared for, and known. Every hair on my head is counted (even when I had none). My

days were already planned before I was born; He has good things for me. None of that

promises ease or longevity, but it does produce peace and a life that is full of adventure

and depth, highs and lows. Don’t unbuckle yet, it’s just getting good!

-Tracey

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every

moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts

about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! Psalms 139:1